Captain Forklift has been busy this Xmas season, shoveling around packaging waste from all the eco-friendly proto-gift deliveries, using the scoop attachment on his favorite piece of equipment, which is also handy for moving sleepy drunks and dealing with any unexpected dogshit overburden.
Captain Forkless Dining always has fun during the holiday season. He has recently also discarded use of the spoon and the table-knife, to put more focus into training his natural-born digits in how to handle common dishes such as baked beans, spaghetti, and gooey dumplings. More advanced topics, such as soups and stews are yet to be explored.
Captain Moderately Powerful Leaf Blower is available at 50% off this week, if you need (or just want) to get your leaves blown around. Not a priority at this end of the block, but hey.
Captain Ever So Ordinary just passed by. According to sources. We didn't notice.
Captain Faster-Than-Light gained a few pounds and can no longer get off the ground without a booster. Which provides for more of a spectacle, but with more opportunities for disaster, which can be amusing to some. And he farts more these days too.
Captain Harvard-Educated Cat Lady wants you to know that she's still smarter than you, and still has a better ass, in case you haven't seen any recent publicity photos of her appearing with former cast members of once-popular sitcoms. Pro tip here: If you want to keep your ass in shape for book-signing appearances well into the next few decades, don't spend so much time sitting on it. Maybe. Anyhow, it seemed to work for her, and you're nobody anyway.
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Me? Saluting rapidly and incessantly until it's all over.
