Captain Barely Noticeable Dandruff Flakes has recently been encouraged to find other accommodations after convincingly proving that he is not in actuality quite living up to his rank. We shall, after a thorough cleaning, disinfecting, and several months of focused re-evaluation, decide just how we want to proceed from here on out.
Captain Bushy Nose Hairs is out snuffling around the neighborhood again. Surely, someone should put a stop to this, though not us.
Captain Figitator was wiggling along Main Street yesterday, apparently fididling with the buttons on his pants fly. (He's an old fashioned one, is he.) So that went on for a bit, until he attracted an audience, shortly after which they all spontaneously formed up as a marching column and took over both traffic lanes, appropriately accompanied by tootling melodies of several people who just happened (we are told) to have kazoos with them, and who also knew how to wield them with proper effect, being professional kazooters on their way back to their hotel following their conference and dinner of turtle soup and animal crackers. So — a coincidence? Well, reach your own conclusions on that one, if you will.
Captain Nipple Tweak won't say why, or anything else, either. No one could have expected anything else from her (or him, or it) so I don't know why we bother.
Captain Poor Bladder Control remains on our "No Go" roster. (Use your imagination, but not too much of it if you know what's good for you, and also the rest of us.)
Captain Sir Richard Barfsalot — yeah, well... On those days when we DO allow him inside, he has to stay over in the far corner with the dogs, who have sort of learned to tolerate his presence for short periods of time.
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Me? I agree, completely.
