Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Nobody Cared

I took shop class once but I didn't have a decent place to hide it so I brought it back. Nobody cared.

I have just been hired as the Senior International Political Correspondent for Hostess Cupcakes & Twinkies.

Furballs on parade. (Recently.)

Dust bunnies for anarchy. (Often.)

Ever tickle an angry goat? It's harder than you'd think, especially the recovery. And paying the medical bills. But every now and then you get to lick a nurse.

Found a mess on the kitchen floor this morning. Rather than wasting time cleaning it up, I decided to pave over it.

Giraffes have been seen roaming the streets, but do I care? Just ask. I'm more than willing to talk about this and about many, many other things as well. You'll see. Just ask.

Found a snake in my pants. Very odd. My snake is on vacation this week.

I used to have a brother, didn't i? I think the ants got him. It's not like we never warned him. "Never trust ants." We said that all the time, over and over. Didn't seem to help. If you see him, let him know that we've moved. He answers to "Spot". Likes to chew on bones and so on. Good at playing dead.

Today it's chicken. Tomorrow snake meat, possibly. When the cat is doing the cooking, I just shut up and eat what's put in front of me. I've learned that. Let's not say any more.

Turkeys stole the neighbor's Volvo. I don't know how many times I warned him, but some people just never listen. I used to be like that until sparrows flew off with my entire family of Cabbage Patch dolls. I immediately changed my thinking, but the police didn't want to hear it — said it was too late, and I guess it was by then.

I found Jorge Luis Borges' one-sided coin in the hamster cage. No idea how it got there but was able to coax Squeaky into letting me have it for a handful of cashews and the promise of two days running wild every week. Pretty fair deal, I think.

Just thinking about it all makes me fart with excitement.


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Me? Currently covered in sugar, raisins, and cinnamon. Somehow.