Am trying the new starvation diet. Real simple, but way too bland.
Bought a book on the new starvation diet. All the pages are blank — nothing but clean paper. So I ate it. Feel better already.
All my friends went on the starvation diet. Something must be wrong because I never see them anymore.
After six months on the starvation diet, I can truthfully say that it works if you cheat.
Now that I'm off the starvation diet and am done with it, it's like I have this empty space inside me.
Found a wrinkle in my necktie. Odd. Was going to take a closer look but right then it ran away and hid in the closet. Somehow, I'm thinking, the cat may be involved in this, though he's pretending otherwise. Even stranger — neither of us owns a necktie.
I haven't seen Lola Lately lately. May have to invent her. She sounds about right. Lola Earlyish now — definitely too advanced for me.
Got a chicken on a string, something that none of my neighbors can say.
What is it about spiders and existentialism? I thought that was over with.
All this brought to you today by Tens Pasternat (Dr Bravado) and his team of teamworkers.
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Me? Playing around with B-flat major (but keeping the rubber gloves on until I'm sure).
Is the right match waiting on ezHarmony? Find Out Now! [Spam]
ezHarmony Info
Tue, Mar 9, 12:28 PM (many hours ago)
To me!
Q: Why is this message in spam?
A: It is similar to messages that were identified as spam in the past.
Meanwhile, ezHarmony sez: Get Started for free on the #1 pointless dating site. Subscribe Now!!!!
𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. (Hah! Think that'll do any good?)
𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘵 109001090010900.3 Dimwit Blvd., 17th Floor, Lost Angeles, CA 90024-783621
But Wait!!!! There's More!!!! (See below...)
Attention My Dear Friend
Mr. Richard Stephen a.k.a., Spam4U
3:13 AM (many, many hours ago)
To: Mr Doof
Date: Mar 11, 2021, 3:13 AM
Subject: Attention My Dear Friend Mr Doof
Mailed-by: fhirehose@xpostfacto.plalalala.or.jp
[security: plala.foodle-doo.or.jp did not encrypt this message Learn more if you dare.]
Note to reader: This message seems dangerous Similar messages were used to steal people's personal information. Avoid clicking links, downloading attachments, or replying with personal information if you are personal and actually do have information.
But hey, looks safe to me! Let's see what is says then.
Attention My Dear Friend
I am Mr. Richard Stephen, a senior officer at John F. Kennedy Semi-International Airport New York, sending you email from Japan (Go figgah!) during my search for undelivered parcels I discovered an abandoned shipment from a Diplomat from Africa and when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in a metal trunk box which could be approximately 12.5Million dollars.
The consignment was abandoned because the Contents of the consignment was not properly declared by the consignee as “MONEY” rather it was declared as personal effect to avoid interrogation and also the inability of the diplomat to pay for the United States Non Inspection Charges which is $3,800USD. On my assumption the consignment is still left in our Storage House here at the John F. Kennedy Semi-International Airport Queens New York till date. The details of the consignment including your name, your email address and the official documents from the United Nations office in Geneva are tagged on the Trunk box.
However, to enable me confirm if you are the actual recipient of this consignment as the assistant director of the Inspection Unit, I will advise you provide your current Phone Number and Full Address, to enable me cross check if it corresponds with the address on the official documents including the name of nearest Airport around your city. Please note that this consignment is supposed to have been returned to the United States Treasury Department as unclaimed delivery due to the delays in concluding the clearance processes so as a result of this, I will not be able to receive your details on my official email account. So in order to enable me to cross check your details, I will advise you to send the required details to my private email address for quick processing and response. Once I confirm you as the actual recipient of the box, I can get everything concluded within 48hours upon your acceptance and proceed to your address for delivery.
Lastly, be informed that the reason I have taken it upon myself to contact you personally about this abandoned consignment is because I want us to transact this business and share the money 70% for you and 30% for me since the consignment has not yet been returned to the United States Treasury Department after being abandoned by the diplomat so immediately the confirmation is made, I will go ahead and pay for the United States Non Inspection Fee of $3,800 dollars and arrange for the box to be delivered to your doorstep Or I can bring it by myself to avoid any more trouble but you have to assure me of my 30% share...
I wait to hear from you urgently if you are still alive and interested to receive your box and I will appreciate it if we can keep this deal confidential. My private Email: (stephenrichard466@gmail.com) for further directives: You can not call me on my telephone number for it will expose me more.
Thank you.
Mr. Richard Stephen
Special Junior Assistant Inspection Director Trainee (provisional)
John F. Kennedy Semi-International Airport
Queens New York, 11430 (eleventy-forty-three-oh hey)
United States
Have extra info to add?
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Me? Immediately changing my name and moving away and shaving off my eyebrows so's nobody knows me no more (but taking the cat just in case).
Cheung <info@iwantoeatyorbrane.com>
Mon, Feb 22, 10:29 AM (2076.3 hours ago)
to Recipients
Hello there, Recipients, my dear friend...
My name is Cheung, I'm a senior staff in Asia public Bank. I have a business proposal to share with you.
Contact me for more details.
Kind Regards,
Cheung
Thi Esshulis uf Ivol, LLC.
PS: Leghtneng flushas, spurks shiwar. En ina blenk if yior ayas yio huva messad saaeng. Booga booga mumu boom.
Hey. This message seems dangerous. Even kinda smells bad. Similar messages were used to steal people's personal information. Avoid clicking links, downloading attachments, or replying with personal information, etc. — Yor pals @ Guggle.clam
Have extra info to add?
If the commenting system is out again, then email sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Still waiting for my ice cream.
