The Story Of Citizen-Applicant

A fractured reality.

Citizen-Applicant had business with Government Bureau.

At Government Bureau's office, Citizen-Applicant met Certified-Bureau-Official.

Citizen-Applicant's question was simple. It was general.

Citizen-Applicant sat, then asked.

No.

Citizen-Applicant was instructed to fill out the form. First.

Form?

Name, address, age, date of birth, Government Bureau Identification Number (GBIN), street address, city, state, zip code. Mother's maiden name.

Said Certified-Bureau-Official.

Only a simple, general question applying to any Citizen-Applicant.

Not requiring any personal information.

So how about it?

What if I just ask?

Said Citizen-Applicant.

No. The form. Fill it, Certified-Bureau-Official said. The form must be filled. We have rules. Fill it. The Form. With a Capital. F.

Overruled by Certified-Bureau-Official again and again, Citizen-Applicant complied. Smeared marks onto a plastic card with a thick black marker.

Completion?

No.

Certified-Bureau-Official said Citizen-Applicant's mother was unknown and asked if Citizen-Applicant had been adopted.

No, not even once.

Certified-Bureau-Official was unhappy. Certified-Bureau-Official asked for an updated address.

Address hasn't changed. In 15 years. Said Citizen-Applicant. And not adopted.

Certified-Bureau-Official requested proof.

Citizen-Applicant, bold, asked the question. Anyway.

It was only a simple one. A simple question.

Proof? No proof, said Citizen-Applicant, and I only have a general question.

Ah, simple then, said Certified-Bureau-Official. Come back next month. Come back next month, and we'll give you Letter-A.

But I have Letter-A, said Citizen-Applicant, and I need Letter-B, can I get it now or do I need to wait until my eligibility is no longer a promise but a reality, a fact? What then?

Then?

Yes, said Certified-Bureau-Official. Starting next month, for no particular reason, come again, here, and you can receive Letter-A. If you ask.

I have Letter-A.

I need Letter-B.

Said Citizen-Applicant.

I do not understand said Certified-Bureau-Official. I cannot give you Letter-A until next month.

I have Letter-A.

I need Letter-B.

Said Citizen-Applicant.

Certified-Bureau-Official then assumed a possible martial-arts posture resembling Terrifying Sleeping Dragon. And ceased moving for a bit.

Citizen-Applicant, aware of nearby uniformed guard, did not try crawling.

Under the glass partition.

To strangle.

Certified-Bureau-Official.

For amusement.

Come along then, month after next, when your eligibility is no longer a promise but becomes a monthly fact.

Then we will give you Letter-B, said Senior-Certified-Bureau-Official strolling up to window.

Miraculously.

Letter-B? Said Citizen-Applicant.

You will give Letter-B? To me?

Yes, said Senior-Certified-Bureau-Official.

Letter-B. It will be so. Month after next.

That is what I believed all along, thought Citizen-Applicant, in his car, already blocks away.

It was only a simple question after all.

Coda: So many web sites are like this. How about yours?

More: 8 Ways to Piss Off Your Website Visitors

From: buznutt.

I Propose To Eat Your Brain

Excellent Letter From Mr William Patricks For the benefit of our both Family.

From Mr Williams Patricks,

Director Incharge of Dept Recovery Department In Bank Of Africa (b.o.a) Ouagadougou Burkina Faso.

West Africa.

Dear Partner,

This is an Excellent Letter from Mr Williams Patricks the chief auditor incharge of debt recovery department section in bank of africa (B.O.A). ouagadougou burkina faso west africa.

My dear partner in advance,I presumed that all is well with you and your family,

Please let this do not be a surprise proposal to you because i got your contact information from the international directory in few weeks ago before i decided to contact you on this magnitude and lucrative transaction for our future survival in life.Moreover, I have laid all the solemn trust in you before i decided to disclose this successful & confidential Project to you.

I am Mr Williams Patricks the chief auditor incharge of debt recovery department section in foreign remittance department in our bank and i have had the intent to contact you over this financial project worth the sum of thirty one million, united states dollars ($31,000,000.00 ) for our success.

This is an abandoned sum that belongs to one of our bank foreign customers who died along with his entire family through plane crash disaster since few years ago.Meanwhile i was very fortune to came across the deceased file when i was arranging the old and abandoned customers files in other to sign and submit to the entire bank management for an official re-documentations after the audit meeting 2009.

Please be informed clearly that it was stated in our banking rules and regulations which was signed lawfully that if such fund remains unclaimed till the period of 8 years started from the date when the beneficiary died, the money will be transferred into the treasury as an unclaimed fund.

As an honour and advantage bestowed to our foreign customers base on the rules guideing our bank, it was stated obviously that if you are not a burkina faso citizen, You have the absolute authority to claim the fund hence you are a foreigner despite your differences from the country of origin of the deceased.So the request of you as a foreigner is necessary to apply for the claim and transfer of the fund smoothly into your reliable bank account as the next of kin or extended relative to the deceased.

On the transfer of this fund into your account, { 35% } will be your share in respect of the account provision and your assistance rendered during the transfer of the fund into your bank account and 45% will be my share being the codinator of the Project. and10%will be for the expencies that will occure during the Project.while 10 % will be shared to the respectable organisations centers such as charity organisation, motherless babies homes, and helpless disabled people in the world.

If you are really sure of your trustworthy, accountability and confidentiality on this Project, contact me and agree that you will not change your mind to cheat or disappoint me when the fund have getting into your account.

Besides you should not entertain any fear because i am sure of the success as an insider in the bank ok.Please reply through my private Email adress below williamspatricks@[redacted].com with the assurance, include your private telephone and fax numbers necessary to facilitate an easy communications in this transaction as soon as you reply so that i will let you know the next step to follow in order to finalize this Project immediately.I expect your urgent communications.

Yours sincerely MR WILLIAMS.

[Maybe you got one of these too. If not, enjoy mine.]

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