Stupidity On Parade

Ms Opel Wintry is resigning from the board of Weighty Watching because Americans prefer injecting magic obesity-defeating potions over living.

The gummint is incompetent. The gummint is the people. Therefore Americans can't govern themselves. Too late for the Brits to take us back? At least some of us?

Try doing the wrong thing, and if it doesn't work, then keep trying. It's the American Way.

Tweedle, recently bought by an idiot, who could instead have given every American $8k in cash. I know what I'd like to do with my share.

Yes. I did escape from America. Just in time. Don't tell nobody, especially that Waldo Dumpfcker. (A delusional ignoramus can still be dangerous, even if only through incompetence.)

 

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Me? I'm not, are you?

Flat In The Pan

My goal in life is to outgrow ugly, or begin to smell good, whichever becomes possible within a reasonable amount of time.

Oddly enough, rowboats do not fit in church pews, which reinforces my decision not to row to church, or even get anywhere near such a place ever again.

OK, folks, "Variations on a Theme" is today's exercise, and today's theme is "Shoelaces". Warm up your kazoos.

Old guys are generally pretty nice. They've "been there, done that", unlike guys from 12 to 32, who are long on urges and short on experience. Other than impending death, and the increasing failure rate of various bodily functions, being of advanced age can be somewhat pleasant at times.

Sometimes I notice that the cookies are watching me too closely. It gets creepy after a while — doesn't seem to matter which disguise I wear either. Maybe I should ask Aunt Bess. She used to handle security for a bakery. That's something.

Stream of Consciousness Ed here, for Ed's Stream of Consciousness Emporium and Live Bait Shop. Stop by and stream with us. We have worms.

 

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Me? Honestly, what did you expect?

Fart If You Like Freedom

"Boo!" Said the winkle to the wonkle, whatever that was supposed to mean. (I don't live around here.)

"It could be a lot worse," they said, and they were right. It is now.

Are you for real? If so, please send proof. I need to know how to do this. — Armies of the unwilling

Fruit flies have started following me around, and I'm not even ripe yet.

If I was made of cellulose I could be my own toilet paper.

My goose is cooked. Finally. Now I have some peace and quiet. And dinner.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Still waiting for my free kazoo-cleaning kit.

Our Once And Forever

Once again we find ourselves approaching the middle of the week. No telling what might happen next.

Once in a while the wheels fall off of everything. It happens. That's why you see so many loose wheels out there in the street. That's what they tell me anyhow.

Once the smoke cleared, I found that I was alone again. Or maybe I was on loan again. Sometimes I have to ask to be sure.

Once upon a time there was a magic ant but somebody stepped on it. #ShortPointlessStories #AbruptStoryCollective

Once upon a time there was this big giant giant thing that went stomping around and trumpeting and making all sorts of menacing moves but no one paid attention so it eventually went somewhere else and they all lived happily ever after. The end.

Once upon a time something happened, and that's how things got to be this way.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? I'm just like that.

I Cant Believe It Yet

"Are you a believer?" she asked. Not wanting to belabor the palaver, I waved her offshore. Been pretty quiet here since. (Found a bit of lint in my navel though.)

Had a mouse eat the socks right off my legs. I believe it was the same mouse that ate the car yesterday. Small car, but I'm still glad I was prudent enough to lock my feet in the closet overnight.

I haven't ever heard of a high school reunion that resulted in so many deserved deaths as my last one. Which I also, as with all the others, avoided like the plague. Which, if I am to believe the news reports, was what did the job. Bacilli — so small yet so satisfyingly deadly.

I won't talk to Alice. I not only don't know her but have never seen her and have no idea who she might be, so I believe that I've made the right decision this time.

If I were ever to start working again, I believe I'd want to be a tooth fairy. Not a macho job, for sure, generally having low expectations, and I could pretty well set my own hours, so maybe.

It's been a long time since they turned out the lights. The rats are becoming agitated. My bag of corn puffs is, I believe, at risk.

This is bring-your-pet-to-work week, and the same thing happens every year. No one believes I have a tapeworm until I pull it out and show it them. And then they get all weird on me.

When is Clam Independence Day? I just noticed that it's not on my calendar any more. It is a thing, right? I believe so. I do.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Still waiting to be worshiped more widely.