Recent Thoughts, November 30

The room is solid with people, packed, shoulder-to-shoulder, wall-to-wall.

A stray remark.

A sudden peal of laughter.

A pressure wave expands outward at the speed of sound.

The place explodes.

The lone survivor a confused parakeet.

Recent Thoughts, November 23

1. Here comes the food, right on time. Nothing beats clockwork oranges on stopwatch toast, with 3-minute eggs, served at sunrise.

2. The food arrives. Bucket after tray after pail. This pig's life is complete.

3. I calculated the calories I use breathing — decided I could save a huge amount on food if I quit doing it.

4. Today it's albóndigas, preferably not made of cat meat. Or cat food. Or furballs. Or other stuff I'm choosing to be allergic to.

5. Mmm. Moist and chewy. I hope it's food.

6. Ah. Lunch has arrived, its feelers still twitching. This could be interesting.

7. A guy just waved. He's the one who brings me food. He and his staff. They have a cafe. I eat there. Then I pay. With diarrhea. It's in my contract.

8. It's a big day here at the cafe. Food has not only arrived, but it's edible.

9. I tried that Mediterranean diet but couldn't afford the daily airfare to Crete for lunch. #BackToBurgersThen

10. Went to a dietitian. 'It's science!' she said, handing me a bag with a kitty on the side. Now I upchuck furballs.

Recent Thoughts, November 15

1. Winter sky, turning its eyes toward spring. Meat on the horizon treads quietly eastward. Stay indoors. Play dead. Your cat knows how. Just ask.

2. Farm lies quiet in abandonment. Crow eyes me speculatively, recalling its theropod heritage, but I have the teeth this time.

3. I never thought it would end like this. No one does, and why? Teeth in the dark. No way out. Goodbye, hamster. I didn't expect to be your lunch.

4. Haimish Jeebers married Sally Neck Lace for tax purposes and I'm still waiting to buy Lace-Jeebers products. Am I out of luck?

5. If mickel shoobers were a real thing, then what would the rest of us use our imaginations on?

6. Last night ants carried off every car on the block. They'll be back soon for the keys and insurance papers. So I hear.

7. My sister bought a helicopter. She's going to drop gum drops at gum drop drops, but only ones that sell floppy mops and cute printed cotton tops. Next Thursday, if not sooner. Keep your eyes peeled and wait expectantly.

Recent Thoughts, November 11

 

Q: If I delete my Twitter account, how will I know what to think?

A: I deleted my Twitter account, I think.

 

Q: If I delete my Twitter account, will my mind come back?

A: I deleted my Twitter account and I don't mind it.

 

Q: If I delete my Twitter account, will I still get laid twice a century?

A: I deleted my Twitter account and will now take a nap and see what happens.

 

Q: If I delete my Twitter account, will everyone else on Twitter continue to never hear of me?

A: I deleted my Twitter account and still don't show up in the mirror.

 

Q: If I delete my Twitter account, when will my last check arrive and will I get it before my first check?

A: I deleted my Twitter account. Now I'm hungry. Check.

 

Now where should I go for news, information, and noogies? I feel so alone. I feel naked. Might be time to shower and get dressed and get to work.