1. Here comes the food, right on time. Nothing beats clockwork oranges on stopwatch toast, with 3-minute eggs, served at sunrise.
2. The food arrives. Bucket after tray after pail. This pig's life is complete.
3. I calculated the calories I use breathing — decided I could save a huge amount on food if I quit doing it.
4. Today it's albóndigas, preferably not made of cat meat. Or cat food. Or furballs. Or other stuff I'm choosing to be allergic to.
5. Mmm. Moist and chewy. I hope it's food.
6. Ah. Lunch has arrived, its feelers still twitching. This could be interesting.
7. A guy just waved. He's the one who brings me food. He and his staff. They have a cafe. I eat there. Then I pay. With diarrhea. It's in my contract.
8. It's a big day here at the cafe. Food has not only arrived, but it's edible.
9. I tried that Mediterranean diet but couldn't afford the daily airfare to Crete for lunch. #BackToBurgersThen
10. Went to a dietitian. 'It's science!' she said, handing me a bag with a kitty on the side. Now I upchuck furballs.
