First rain, then snow, then sleet, then warm, fuzzy hamsters. Winter ain't so predictable no more. Care for some nibbles?
Fresh jam on stale ham, my fate this Thursday, and also lunch, I guess. Better than turds on toast though, especially how they fix them here. No one can make turds on toast the way my grandmother could. Not even Mom, may she rest in hell, or Miami, or wherever she is lately.
Frog's balls, tequila, ham jam, and picked persnicketies. #Today'sLunchSpecial #YeahRight
Got hammered last night. Tried to drink straight from the keg and dropped it on my foot. Scared the cat, and now I have hammered toes.
Got hammered Monday afternoon. Made a dumb remark about a woman's tool belt and, well, you already know the punchline.
Ham and sheet music. Noticeable grease stains. Tasty though. Food of note.
Ham for the holidays.
Hammered bananas.
Hammurabi necrosis.
Hamster wrestling
I bought a cow kit named "Chuck Roast". It was only $2.49 but still too hard for me, so I made hamburgers with it.
I saw God today. Same old same old. Always complaining about others, blaming them, getting angry over the strangest things, can't hold a couple of beers without going off the deep end. I'm glad I went into the used hamster business.
I am into hamster sniffing and kitty tickling, yes indeed.
I've got this worm following me around. Keeps humming the same tune all day. The Hammer & Cheese song. You know the one.
Investment advice from a hamster: Seeds & nuts, with a small position in seasonal vegetables. And stay in your burrow during daylight hours. Always.
It was time to take my pill today (And who doesn't like taking pills?) but I couldn't find it. (Sometimes they run away.) Luckily (for me), I thought I saw a pill bug tunneling through some of the leaf mold on my kitchen floor, so I swallowed that. I'll swallow anything that looks interesting (and sometimes it is), and this little guy had a whole bunch of neat little legs waving around like crazy, so I gulped it right down. I can't say I feel any different, outside of a mild scratching sensation in my throat, but who doesn't have that? It's pretty much part of life, right? I wish I could report more conclusive results but I didn't have a headache or anything, though I suppose I could have taken a hammer to my head first, in the interests of science, though after doing due diligence on the cogitation front, I guess I'd rather have a beer than a headache most days.
Issues? Yeah, I got issues. Number one right now is that hamster that crawled up my pants and got lost somewhere in there last week.
Math is a useful subject to study. This is true. But I preferred hamsters. No matter how much I learned, they refused to give me credit for it — until I won the Nobel Prize for small Squeaky Rodents Or Other Pocket pets. Now they're all over me, but I'm keeping my nuts close to my pocket.
My hamster disappeared again. His name is Ed. Usually I find him out back by the crevasse, but today I don't know — the pickup is missing, so maybe he went into town again to have a few beers down by the Black Hat Tap Room. It's his favorite. As long as he fills the tank before bringing the truck back, I guess I'm OK with it. (WTF can I do anyway?)
No hamster has ever been elected to high office in these parts. None you'd recognize if you met them on the street. They prefer to run things from their secret underground burrows.
Once again, it's time for "Ask A Hamster", with Dr Floyd Lloyd. So, Dr Lloyd, what advice do you have for us today? "Squeak!" again? Will that be all?
Plantagenet hammerhandles.
Statistical hamster pants.
To cement our relationship I took a sand bath alongside my hamster Ed, but it was so relaxing that it was hell to get back out of his cage again.
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Me? Currently frying up a bunch of crunchy dust bunnies.
