How we got from when to now — it's a story begging to be told, but I'm feeling lazy at the moment. Have some serious personal begging to look into. Etc. Just go away.
Got my tongue caught in the mousetrap again. Why? Why is this taking so long to learn? Can't be the taste of mouse wood. I hope. (Some hair still on my tongue since yesterday too. How did that happen?)
My shoelaces are demanding another raise, again, and paid vacation, and laundering twice a month. Things would be sincerely different around here if I didn't have this terrible fear of velcro.
A thermonuclear aphorism is one you need to recite only once. Permanently clears the room. Removes your name from all invite lists. Gets you some breathing room of your own. Gives you the gumption and personal space you need to go live in a cardboard box under a bridge. Best reserved for that moment when you really can't pull any other tricks. No match for a stellar fart joke though. Not even close.
First the good news — I found myself surrounded by a crowd of wonderfully happy and boisterous relatives all glad to see me and hear about exactly everything I've been doing for the past 10 years. Now the bad news — I found myself surrounded by a crowd of wonderfully happy and boisterous relatives all glad to see me and hear about exactly everything I've been doing for the past 10 years. And couldn't get away from any of them.
Not every cloud has a silver lining. Because some of them are farts. (What did I just say about fart jokes?)
When in doubt, don't lick it.
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Me? If this is June, then I probably need a bath.
