No Change Returned Unburned

Captain Two-For-One Used Donuts is having a special sale: Two for one for two for one. So, get double your fill of gently-used donuts, or as many as you can handle without setting off a life-ending retching spree. Sale ends sometime in the future, or whenever demand drops off enough to notice.

Captain Unidentifiable Aroma is making the rounds, again, following close behind last year's outbreak of aromatherapy. No one ever seems to know when he's coming by, or why, but maybe it has something to do with ennui, or weevils, but how about offweevils, hmmm? Hummers, too.

Captain Weekend Turd Pitching Champion called yesterday, wondering where her trophy is. "You don't get to be a turd pitching queen by letting anyone sneak in cheap moves", she said, somewhat irritably, we reckon, but then again, it is a weekday, and not everyone agrees with weekdays, with or without trophies.

Captain Wiggly Bits is founding a new gelatin dessert company, which we don't even want to know about.

Captain Wilberforce had to call in reinforcements last night. Major loss of status there. He'll have to watch out or get his credentials yanked. Again. And there's been way too much yanking going on lately.

Captain Two Wrongs Don't Make An Aardvark Bark is still trying everything wrong.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? I do all of mine just fine, on time.

Post-Production Blues

Captain Post-Xmas Diarrhea is wishing you the best in the coming year, and in a good way.

Captain Whiny Tut-Tut says he's had it with the whole Xmas season and the false-front scene it engenders, having failed to receive his customary bag of nuts and no new toy dump truck either. (Again.)

Captain Twirling Tassels says she just might head back to Lithuania if things don't pick up real quick around here, and her cat won't quit with the dry heaves and all, plus there's always some guy out in the hall sniffing doorknobs and apparently licking some of the more aromatic ones, or something. Maybe it's for the salty taste. But anyway, how much of this should a person have to take?

Captain Twinkle-Fingers is more into pancakes these days, and her pet snake (Waldo) too, since they get along so well, including a mutual appreciation of pancakes (swallowed whole), and bedtime stories after dark. (As you might have expected.) So That's about it for her now.

Captain Dweeb was recently promoted to Lieutenant General and will be executed shortly, after which a memorial luncheon will be served.

Captain Extensive Nose Hairs continues to struggle with common tasks like eating soup and pudding, blowing snot rockets, and combing out flies without removing overmuch of her signature sub-nasal tufts.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Long, long ago I mastered efficient turd production. Let me know if you want some. Got lots. Best prices anywhere.

Fistfull Of Gatorade

Evil weasels voicing evil wheedles. Coming soon. And then, later, exotic tuna dancing.

But ferrets named Frederick are finicky schemers.

Finally — it's Monday. Just a couple more days to go and it's Wednesday again. I've learned you can really trust any day that begins with a solid "weh".

First things first, always. But which one is that? And who's really going to know? Want a kiss? (I have some.)

First things first. First I grew a beard, then I got an eye patch. Now I'm a pirate! Arrr.

First you do your laundry, then you dry it, then you put your clothes back on and walk around. Is that a life? Seriously, I ask you.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Got four spare legs if you need some.