A dog followed me home. Now I know where I live but I don't know how to ditch the dog. He wants money. What do I do?
"Mommy's Gonna Whup Ya". New reality TV show about a family of arm wrestlers, infected ectoplasm, and destiny. And bad tattoos.
Am thinking of returning to school. Something went sideways about halfway through first grade and maybe a do-over might be a decent option to pursue before I retire and lose the opportunity forever.
"Monkey Butt" is an actual thing. You can have mine if you want it.
A few days back I was run over by a tank, driven by my cat, Ed. I still don't know where he got the thing, but he certainly could use some driver training.
A guy just walked in with a bucket of flies. He claims they're pets, but was unable to tell me their names. #StillSuspiciousHere
A guy started talking to me. Says we met once. Could be. I never remember anyone I've met once. Because what's the point then?
Among my people, rice has traditionally been used as a weapon. So I carry some in my pockets, everywhere, always cocked.
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Me? Still on fire, somehow.
