If you want to go fast, run quick like a bunny. If you want to go far, get a bike, but keep the bunny so you have someone to talk to. - RJ Doofus
A foreign accent is a sign of bravery. A foreign accent backed up by a gun is a sign of an American abroad. - Amy Chukbuster
To know what you're going to draw, check your holster, dick. - Salvatore Picasso from Picasso's All-American Pizza
The reward for good work can be more work, but if you prove you're 100% reliable, you can steal office supplies and they'll fire someone else. - Tomas Tootlbug
The invention of the ship also invented the shipwreck, but while engineers designed the Titanic, amateurs designed the canoe. - Virtual Paul, the Monkey Expert
If all I'd ever wanted to do was make money, I'd have invented the printing press, so there's that. - Brien Emo
Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment. That's what I did and still can't find my way home without using both hands. - Rumi Doodle
On average, bad things happen fast and good things happen slow, but with macaroni and cheese you never know, especially if you expect the cat to prepare it. - Stuart Bugnuts
What I do not create, I do not understand, especially if the cat made it. - Raymond Fonebone
Find out who you are and ask around to see if everyone thinks you're a dickhead doing it on purpose. - Molly Puglitz
I think that tastes, odors, colors, and so on reside in only consciousness. Hence if I close my eyes you should go away. Let's try it. - Galileo (Greg) Galilei, Jr.
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Me? Still treading water, but now my shoes are wet. (You never win.)
