Mom caught me smoking tuna again. But I need the mercury.
Saturday is when I chase the cat around the yard. Then we wrestle to see who pays for lunch. When he's short on exercise he tends to get grumpy, break loose, and eat a few of the neighborhood kids. Tigers are like that. Good thing we're solid pals.
I don't know what I would do without sauerkraut. Life would be too boring. I'd have no vegetables to laugh at.
The lady across the hall is good at crafts. She made a swimsuit out of sauerkraut. Although she did ask if I'd like to join her for lunch, today is my day to stay home and masturbate. Her loss.
No Thanksgiving Day parade floats have ever been made solely of sauerkraut, because squishy wheels. More's the pity. (Squishy.)
Mother made me a banana pudding using nothing other than sauerkraut and beer. I will forever value this moment. She's keeping the bananas for herself, to knit into a scarf. But I have beer.
If I could make a list of the one thing I've ever done wrong in my life, I'd say I didn't eat enough sauerkraut. No idea why.
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Me? Still haven't earned my scales.
