Imaginary Animals, Again, Eh?
* Northern Latitude Rot Flocker. Not as tasty as you might expect. Somewhat chewy, and rowdy too, after swallowing, especially in large groups ("flockings"), which are hard to keep down. Weirdly attracted to cook pots, possibly with disturbing results. Likes snow tires too.
* Dark Dank Corner Creepy Thing. Hard to describe. Even harder to eat, especially cooked. (They don't go willingly, at all.) Has a call like heavy breathing on the back of your neck, without the excitement of anticipation. More like the stillness of the tomb on a slow Thursday, come to think about it. (No one feels quite right on Thursdays anyhow, do they? And this is much worse.) Most of them prefer to be called "Ed", for unknown reasons, and may bite if teased, or not. Never a whole lot of fun at parties, though they can be surprisingly entertaining after a few beers.
* Hypotheticalamus. The kind of thing you hear rooting around downstairs in the middle of the night on exactly one of those nights when you're sure that something terrible will happen if you go looking for trouble, so you stay in bed and hope for the best, hope that the cat is both able and willing to pull through for you and take care of everything.
* Duckbilled Ashtray Sniffer. You're pretty much OK if you don't smoke, but they're still noisy little bastards. Pray that they don't notice that you have shoelaces.
* Huffy Puffy Upholstered Hissy Fitter. Makes every other beast-form seem tame by comparison, especially goldfish and dust bunnies. Often observed in office environments, all too frequently in a cubicle adjoining yours, with a clear view of your desk and everything you do. Likes to play a radio all day, in case you ever have the deluded idea of inclining toward focus with the intent of accomplishing something important. Disapproves of your socks, your hair, the place where you were born, the way you pronounce your own name, and anything else concerning you, yourself, and your life that they haven't uncovered yet. When not engaged in outright hectoring, may make interminable clucking sounds, interrupted by the all-too-frequent telltale hiss. Dresses like your grandmother. Answers to "Karen".
* Free-Ranging Saturday-Afternoon Mood Spoiler. Never known to be an agreeable dinner guest, especially the ones who habitually steal snacks from the pet food bowl while complaining that the cookout isn't progressing rapidly enough. Gets defensive when asked to identify self, seeing as how no one admits to extending an invitation in their direction, not even once, and no one (also, neither, never, no-how) can even identify same. Never brings food or drinks to share. Tends to fart during the most inopportune interludes. Often mangy.
Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff+snorp@gmail.com
Me? Trying to huff a pufferfish. (It's hard, really hard.)
Etc...
so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals
