There are many benefits to becoming a father. So I hear. Please send me your top 10 list in a stamped, self-addressed return envelope so I can send it back to you without messing with any of the stuff inside.
I hear that there is a thing called "Father's Day". I have been, am now, and plan to remain completely ignorant of everything that entails, especially all of the secret rites and rituals. End of story.
That guy across the street? The one with the paper bag over his head? No the other one — the one hiding behind the bush — I hear that he's a father. Seems to have it figured out. But I don't want to be like him either.
Mom asked me if I want to grow up and become a father. I asked if she had anyone in mind, and she said "No, but definitely not like you-know-who." Yeah, so maybe I'll stick with growing lettuce.
If I were to become a father, there would be only one more bad example to point at, and what sort of future is in that? Another guy riding the bus all day, maybe, muttering to himself. And that's what I do now anyway.
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Me? Nope.
