"Cook that egg", she said. "Cook it now! Boil it before it hatches into something with lots of teeth that's gonna come and bite us." But I forgot, which is how I got these tooth marks on my butt, and a really cool pet that's a lot of fun at parties.
Buzz Feature used to be a friend of mine. But he had too many legs. Maybe he was really a bug. Could be. Was never featured in anything. Anywhere. Anyhow, I lost track of him when he crawled under the refrigerator. Long ago. The end.
Buy half a hamburger, get the other half free, unless I get to it first.
Catch the Pig Luncheon Special. Catch the pig and win a free lunch no strings attached. (Cash value, $1.00, Thursdays only, weather permitting.)
Caught a crab yesterday. Trying to steal my car. Pretty sure it was a crab. Pretty tall though, for a crab. Had a beard too. Not sure if crabs have beards. Ever, but. And a beret. One of those beatnik crab hermits maybe, looking for some fun. I was going to eat it but naw. Got punched in the nose too. What did I expect? I don't like crab anyway. Especially not this one. Didn't smell right. So I guess we're good over here.
Caught a rat trying to steal my pickup truck. Not too bright — he should have realized that his feet would never reach the pedals. Anyway, I had a backup strategy. My secret weapon. I don't own a pickup truck. Nurk.
Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@gmail.com
Me? Can't stop scratching butts, some of them mine.
