1. I'm now older than Hitler. No one else knows this.
2. Rolf came by again. I wish he wouldn't.
3. I got an email from a friend this morning. I thought he'd been eaten by sharks but I guess I heard wrong or else he recovered. Pretty tough old guy. Never goes anywhere without at least one snake in his pocket. "They make good conversation starters," he says. Plus, most bank robbers don't use snakes so he's got the element of surprise in his favor, and he always has a squeeze bottle of Liquid Ass on hand for those times when he has to demonstrate that he's not afraid to smell like he just might do any and/or every something crazy, and stand back ladies and gents. His name is Walter, I think, or Alf - used to be a professional rose trimmer at one of those fancy eastern liberal arts colleges where they have a lot of ivy on the walls, and flower beds, but he decided that what he really wanted out of life was to be closer to his pet snakes, and got more thrills from bank robbery, not to mention a more robust income than what he made tussling with shrubbery. He'll be flying in next week if the Feds don't get him first. That's about all I know for now.
4. I want to be a professional speed sleeper, but if that doesn't work, I'll take professional speed scribbler, or even dust bunny hunter.
5. Last night I dreamed that I had a cocktail but when I woke up I still had my regular one.
6. For the first time ever I feel like a real man. After my facial, manicure, pedicure, and loofah scrub. I got fired for being a wuss, but only real men get fired from real cannons, which is coming up right after my nap.
7. "Tatiana Hassenfeffer". That's what it says on the card. Came in the mail yesterday along with a bag of fuzz.
8. That gray spot on the front of your shirt? I'm shooting wet boogers today, and you looked like you needed one.
9. One of the quarters in my pocket has a portrait of Egwan Spelmanus, our first trial President. I used to know him before he was experimentally coined.
