"God's one and only voice is silence." -- Melville (A guy reported to have farted a lot.)
Got a telegram from God: "WTF HOW UZ THES SMRTFON ANWY". Sounds like a certain Being is halfway there.
If God had invented fungus, I could understand why things turned out like this, but I'm pretty sure it was the other way around, which explains how things turned out like this.
On my way to lunch I saw God lying in the street, amid a random collection of empty beer bottles, still in denial. "Nope, nope — not mine. Somebody else did that." But I know better. We all do.
Saw God drive by in a go-kart. I guess you need to do something to kill an infinite amount of time.
Don't think of the ministry. God said it's a lousy job. Says I'm much better as a drinking buddy. Plus he has this sister. And can turn anything into more beer.
Helped God move into his new house. He got evicted when those special unemployment checks ran out. So far he's worked six days in his whole life and has spent the remainder resting up for the grand finale. Like for sure. Why do we even bother?
God don't like IPA — told me so to my face — so that leaves more for me, I guess. On my end, I never did have much taste for roasted sinner on a stick.
I saw God today. Same old same old. Always complaining about others, blaming them, getting angry over the strangest things, can't hold a couple of beers without going off the deep end. I'm so glad that I went into the used hamster business.
God is having a one-deity show over at the community art gallery. Watercolors, flowers and kittens, stuff like my sister's dog can do. But still, there is excitement in the air, and a few lightning bolts are rumored. To me? Smells of grand self-promotion. Grandiose over-promotion, dontcha think?
A small sheep-shaped cloud went by. Stamped on its bottom: "© MMXVI God. All rights reserved. Fuck you."
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Me? Never liked the idea of wings. How do you sleep with those things?
