Suckers Without Tentacles

Consciousness is not something you just want to leave lying around unattended.

Come to think of it, it might not be just spiders that have philosophical issues.

Comical follicles.

Commander Jiggles.

Competitive nursing.

Complain or do nothing, but never do both.

Concerto for shrimping.

Rack music.

Radish attack.

Raging tits.

Rain at noon, falling inside its own wet. I hurry. It does no good. I too-swiftly melt. #CottonCandyMan

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff+snorp@nullabigmail.com
Me? I was wondering too.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Never Say No To A Carrot

Private cheerleaders.

Forensic herbalist.

Advanced misunderstanding.

Adversity of Texas at Austin.

Anhydrous Andalusians.

Anne Thrax.

Annette's famous tiny toenail tomato tips.

Annie Upright.

Answering the snorebell

Antibiotic co-workers.

Antimatter salad.

Beth with dignity.

Bi-fungal school girls.

Between two snout pads.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff+snorp@nullabigmail.com
Me? Who am I to say?

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Mom Cookies

Mom called again last night. She's been dead a while but old habits are the last to go.

Mom didn't think I looked right in a snowsuit so she always sent me outside naked. That's how I became a snowflake at an early age.

Mom keeps setting me on fire. She says she's cold, but I don't know. I kind of feel there's something else going on here.

Mom never told me I was wanted. Otherwise I'd have been able to avoid capture.

Mom sent me a cookie. Her name is Liz, and she tastes good.

Mom told me never to pick my nose in public, so may I pick yours until the bus comes?

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff+snorp@nullabigmail.com
Me? Have finally given up on chicken licking.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Nuts Stuck On A Tree

My love, Echinoia Eeeps, invented the internet. That was back in 1957 when we were both in Junior High School (when it was called "Junior High School"), and that was about the first time she told me I was a homely little worm and she was going to marry me some day if I ever ripened up. Yes. In those days the internet was two tin cans and a string, but it worked. Worked great. Revolutionized life. I kinda miss those days now. Now that she insists we communicate only by tattoo.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps is a Lusty Lady lady. She buys it by the quart, and saves the empties to throw at passing cars. Before this her hobby was chasing woodpeckers. That was in fact how she found me.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps, said that it was time for a change, so she had me painted blue. Now we're both happy.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps went on vacation last year. Told me to keep her supper warm, or else. The bun warmer alone eats up $50 a month in electricity and won't quit beeping at me. But she'll pound me for sure if I don't carry through on this. Plus, the cat is taking notes.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps, had me spend Xmas in the bushes, pretending that I was a bunny, so she could practice bunny hunting. Eventually she got tired of that (no hits, not even one) so she just released the family wolf pack. Wow, was that ever stimulating! (Writing this from the hospital with my remaining toes.)

My love, Echinoia Eeeps, told me to quit shaving my nuts, that she prefers them "natural", though I've been only shelling them. Who would shave pecans? Maybe she's gotten into something again.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff+snorp@nullabigmail.com
Me? Sharpening my teeth ahead of the big holiday.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Dark Match

I am the Lonesome Cowboy, drifting slowly across the near-silent plains by night, accompanied by no more than a far-distant howl or hoot or growl, and a mere handful of stars. Plus my my sock puppet, Ed.

I am the Lonesome Cowboy, never asleep, never awake, occupying the lonely shadow zone of life as I travel toward distant vacant vistas holding the promise of nothing more than what already is.

I am the Lonesome Cowboy, solo by day, abandoned by night, wondering what if any might be my fate, if ever I may be so fortunate as to have one.

I am the Lonesome Cowboy, walking the slow prairies, wondering what it would be like to have a friend, sipping the dew from tiny lowly solo lonesome flowers.

I am the Lonesome Cowboy, wending my way quietly along the riverbank well into the depths of night, tooting another soft solo on my only kazoo.

I am the Lonesome Cowboy. A turtle is my pet, his name Fredly, with a degree from Harvard, Harvard College of Studious Turtles. We talk during the deep darks of night, though he tends to long silences. As do I, so well are we paired partners matched.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff+snorp@nullabigmail.com
Me? Breathing slowly, deeply, continuously.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

While Wily

I am the Lonesome Cowboy. We may have met once, but I doubt that, as I doubt most of life, a confused and confusing situation at the best of times. And, to be completely honest about it all, I do not believe that I have ever met anyone who would remember me.

I am the Lonesome Cowboy, and never have known a dull moment, though perhaps, still, I am dull myself, and so do not notice. And now, if you will excuse me, then for the next hour I shall hum some hymns.

I am the Lonesome Cowboy, playing on a team of one, never keeping score, yet never losing, never winning, never at a loss for finding a selection of small tasks to occupy my mind and soothe my soul. Free to fart whenever I can.

I am the lonesome Cowboy, walking the empty streets of an abandoned town known as "Dust City", where the single, solitary movement is wind, and the only sound is silence. My vacation getaway.

I am the Lonesome Cowboy, humming a dusty dirge, secure in my skin, free to roam wherever, without much care for here or there.

I am the Lonesome Cowboy. I leave no footprints for I am a wily guy. Wily and lean and lanky, not mean, but often cranky too. I creak and groan and hoot and moan and while the nights away and don't get asked to parties, usually. Not usually.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff+snorp@nullabigmail.com
Me? Tootling quietly.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

P&T Girly Time

Pat and Trite, the Obvious Sisters, encourage you to celebrate birthdays because why not? It's so obvious and ordinary that they're a bit peeved that they even have to mention it.

Pat and Trite, the Obvious Sisters, have decided that they need to spiff up their image, but they can't figure out what that means, so they're going out for coffee every day this month. (They prefer the stuff in a can.)

Pat and Trite, the Obvious Sisters, have decided to hold a contest — you drop a note into the prize bucket with the name of your favorite color on it, and the winner will be the person that they agree with, if anyone.

Pat and Trite, the Obvious Sisters, still can't decide which shade of beige is scandalously overstimulating.

Pat and Trite, the Obvious Sisters, have filed a patent for the "Do Nothing Mommy" doll. It's the first known such filing for an invention that does not work, which is what they are planning to not do when the money begins to roll in.

Pat and Trite, the Obvious Sisters, have created a full line of accessories for "Tiny Trite", their new "Baby Do Nothing" doll. Each one is expensive and useless, to match their hot-selling (hopefully) mommy doll.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff+snorp@nullabigmail.com
Me? Have taken up mushroom snuffling.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals