I asked my chiropractor what I should smoke to make me feel better. He said "fish". It worked. Who said that chiropractors were just quacks? Yes, he quacks too, but only when he's in a really good mood. And now the cat and I are too. We really enjoy sitting on the floor together, snacking on smoked fish, and watching old movies. Yeah, so who said that tigers are no fun? (His name is Fred.)
Two wrongs don't make a right, but six or eight wrongs make a felony conviction, under the right circumstances, if committed in a bank while waving a gun around, if you're unlucky enough to pick a bank that has a silent alarm system and a limited sense of humor.
A pile of dead leaves followed me home today. Nothing for it but a quick cleanup job before it got really messy, so I jumped right on it.
Did you ever wonder how life would be if you were a crocodile? I mean, like in kindergarten you got hungry one day and ate all the other kids? Would they send you home? Call your mom in and she got mad and ate the principal and maybe the school nurse too? How would that be?
Did you know that fashion models are not made of plastic? So I guess they can't go in with the rest of the recycling.
Have you ever dreamed of being a disease catcher? Well, your time has come. Due to the recent outbreak of explode-and-die fever, we have several openings, in all salary ranges. Full benefits, including disposition of remains, if any, as you wish, according to your exact specifications. Burial? Yep. Cremation? Covered. Mulch-&-compost? Not common, but we can handle it. Sauteed and stewed? Who else but us? And there are so many more options, like being fed to buzzards, being left to rot in an open field, becoming a carpet of fungus. The options are truly limitless, all in the service of a noble cause, because if you don't voluntarily contract a terrible disease, someone else might have to, involuntarily. Think about it for a while.
Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@gmail.com
Me? Call me Wally — Wally Nuts.
