Captain Amazing Parlor Tricks can play the piano with his nose hairs. He asked if I'd like to be on his cleanup team, which would be a great honor, to be sure, though I have a standing appointment to police the cat's litter box, and he gets real cranky if I don't keep on top of that. Always try to stay on the good side of a Bengal tiger is one of my life rules, and so far I'm alive, so let's let Captain Whosis work out the snot problems on his own for the time being.
Captain Mucilage was evicted for a lapse in manners when he liquefied and flowed under the wrong door. And anyway, he was overly stinky.
Captain Nasal Farts still, after all these years, retains a monopoly position on nasal farting.
The talk delivered by Captain Brief Intensity lasted 1.3 seconds, as near as we were able to determine, though we were unable to locate anyone who paid attention during the event.
Captain Twelve-Fingered Toes can count like nobody's business, if you're impressed by that sort of thing.
Also, try not to lick Captain Hairball — you never know where he's been. And mostly you don't want to know were he's from either. Mostly where he's from and how he got here and what you might catch from him.
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Me? Never been saluted, not even in jest.
