Lady E Strikes Again

All things considered, my love, Echinoia Eeeps has been pretty good to me this year, so I guess I'll be dressing up again in the Merry Prankster End of Year Sacrificial Muskrat suit for the big Eeeps Family party. So far I've managed to escape alive, but everyone's aim is constantly improving, so we'll have to see how it goes.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps has next week penciled in for artillery practice. Luckily for me the self-propelled tank target is out for repairs. Extensive repairs. (Her aim is improving.) So not only won't I be driving but I don't need a note from my psychiatrist explaining why I can't help out this time.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps heard that I was taking a bath, so she barged right in with her stepladder. She likes to sit on top, about eight feet up, and use a rubber band to shoot paper clips at me. I don't know why, but I'm not complaining, as long as she doesn't return to using rabbit pellets as ammo. Even then, it's iffy to start complaining, given what happened last time, and even if she did run out of moose turds, she could always just pound me again.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps insisted that I sleep over New Year's Eve. Quite an honor. We've been a hot item only about six years so far and this is my first invite. She's even put fresh hay in the dog house for me, so I'll be quite the comfy little fellow. And of course I'm all tingly just thinking about what we might get up to. Fetch, perhaps? A few rounds of fetch? Maybe? Anything can happen around her.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps is trying her hand at cheese making, and since this is all new to her, she's going to keep it simple, working on Swiss, and starting with only the holes.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps said I'm a keeper. I think she may be planning to have me stuffed. I only hope that I don't live long enough to find out how it feels.

 

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Me? Lying low. Very low.

The Duckies Of Saint Lorenzo

Saint Lorenzo of the Rubber Duckies is retiring soon. Watch for lots of bath toys showing up on eBay, or at Saint Optimist's Recycling And Tyre Center.

Salmon P. Fishfart was the third US Secretary of the Treasury and Keeper of the National Aquarium. His nickname was "Bubbles", as you might have guessed, and he wore shoes to work, most days, but sometimes flippers.

Saturday afternoons are the best, because it's Saturday, and afternoon, and it's the one day of the week when nobody ever tries to set me on fire, all of which is good, from my perspective. Your thoughts may differ in some respects, but you can't say that I still don't love you.

Sister Jensen attacked another pyramid yesterday. Meanwhile I, sitting here in the dark, counting my toes, never seem to get the same answer twice.

So a chicken walks into a bar and they shoo it out again. Pretty cool trick, eh? This is no joke.

So I hear that there is a giant comet out there, newly discovered, at least 80 miles in diameter, doing nothing in particular. And what am I up to? No one ever asks, even though I am so much less dusty.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Give me a squeeze and find out.

Captains Barf Along In Harmony

Captain Outrage is pissed again. Happens every Monday in non-leap years. Also Tuesdays in leap years in all months of more than 17 days.

Captain Automatic says: "Never smoke cigarette butts you find in the gutter. It's much better to smoke something else, like fish."

Captain Automatic seldom does anything deliberately. Prefers to wing it on autopilot.

Captain Bruce Lee Lookalike wasn't, not really, according to those who consider themselves to be experts in the field, and there are some, though few of us care to validate these presumed facts.

Captain Projectile Vomiting took home the gold last weekend, scoring 98 out of a possible 98.6, including several bullseyes, and only one slight mishap that temporarily hospitalized one of the unofficial scorekeeper's pet rats.

Captain Rainbow Nose Hairs released a new press release releasing all of us from all responsibility for anything accidentally released into the air before, during, or after tonight's Thoughts On Spots And Sparkles press conference and potluck dinner. Free rainbow nose combs will be handed out, weather permitting, if we have any. So be there or be elsewhere, and please remember to comb your nose.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Have never barfed, not even once, except in public a few times.

Cat Fraks

Cat food should be legally available to all children on a need-to-know basis.

Cats don't drink much. At least when offered butt lube. That's what I heard anyway when I asked around. Got some funny looks too.

I dreamed that I was a meatball. Then I woke up and realized that I still am. And am still hiding from the cat.

I finally found out what the cat does all night. Sleeps.

I touched a pussy today, and then it bit me. #EverHappenToYou?

I was only 15 seconds late with my rent and the cat still got all hissy about it. If this happens too often I'll have to remind him who has the opposable thumbs around here, and the driver's license.

I've really fallen behind in posting to my blog. My dog ate it. Then my hamster ate the dog. (Good boy, Nibbles.) Then my cat and the hamster hit the road on my riding lawnmower. (I didn't have one, but this makes a better story.) One of them must have souped it up because I couldn't catch them, but at this point in the story, who was driving and who masterminded all this don't make much difference. So that's why I'm behind, and anyway I need a nap, and maybe a beer.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Strictly believing all of this, now and forever.

Captain Whatsis Strikes Back

Captain Adult-Onset Ennui was not always soporific. Really. No, really, etc.

Captain Anonymous, your pal in any emergency, but hard to identify. Not to worry unduly — he's around here somewhere.

Captain Excessive Bonus Points ended up being disqualified for bragging about the size of his bonus. The rest of us know when to keep quiet.

Captain Fernando did in fact change his name from Fernando Poo for that very reason. He is now a full professor of disposable navigational charts at First University of the Missing. He doesn't like that very much either, but he's gotten away from most poo jokes.

Captain Infinite Loving-Kindness was last seen at the firing range, blowing up everything in sight. No one goes there any more. (We have all suddenly become latte-drinking pacifists.)

Captain Mrrflburp got an updated tongue prosthesis which hasn't seemed to help much, but his pointing and grunting skills continue to improve, boosting him up to Level C (third to none, up from second to none last year or thereabouts). There is always hope, eh?

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? No longer saluting.