Captain Automatic has hit the wall. (He said "Owie!") I've been waiting for this to happen. Now I guess we can fly back from France. (Soon, I hope — I've still got something in the oven.) But then again, friends don't let friends fly stupid.
Captain Automatic has been out bow roating. That's how he always says it. Goes at night to an undisclosed location that his cat found. Had to steal the boat (or "roate", as he calls it), but had all the necessaries otherwise. While he's out, the cat and I make pizza and play poker. Lost my shorts to the cat last time. (He doesn't wear any, so I'm seriously handicapped, but plan to whup his furry little fanny real soon now. As soon as I understand poker.)
"Captain Automatic", I mean, what kind of name is that? He needs a jumpstart just to get out of bed. Good thing his megaphone broke. Now if he needs help he has to use email or send me a postcard. Is usually up by the time I get there, and there's less shouting then.
If I were Captain Automatic, what would I be like? I wonder. Well, for starters, I'd have to be a dick. (Got that one covered already, so no effort required over there.) And then I'd have to wear a costume. What is it about costumes and stupidheroes? And what's heroic about being an obnoxious loudmouth charging around and punching people? But then again, it would be nice simply to switch on that sweet "auto" mode and likewise turn off my brain. But really, I'm doing that now as well. So maybe the only benefits would be the retirement plan and the tax exemptions.
Will Captain Automatic ever give up smoking? Only if someone cares enough to use the fire extinguisher.
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow — that's all that Captain Automatic cares about, except for the last two. Always has his head stuck way up the under-side of trying to fix what can't be fixed because fixing time has expired. Like so many of us. At least I have my poker nights with the cat. I look forward to them. Forward. I look forward. One of these days I'm going to beat that little devil. The hope of revenge is my all-consuming lust. All I have to live for any more. In addition to the pizza and beer. And some of the howling we do together.
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Me? Recently nominated for this year's Doofus Awards. (Next year's too.)
