My reputation as a tough guy will be more widely recognized if I can climb walls as easily as a fly, so I've got a fly costume on order, and then I really have to get serious about learning to eat shit. Maybe next week sometime. Working into it gradually.
Speaking of shit, I wonder if it's possible to stop being one. Maybe I should ask Mom — she knows stuff.
Speaking of Mom, I wonder whatever happened to her. I mean, I know she died and all, but isn't there supposed to be a place where all the dead people go to hang out or something? It could be that I've just been checking the wrong Walmart.
Haven't seen Dad either since he died, at least for a while. He's the one who keeps getting loose and terrorizing the kids down at the grade school, but I got smart and moved, so there. No more knocking at my window around midnight. I also got a fake beard to wear, and a flowery dress too, so he'll never recognize me now, even if he does come around again.
Well, time for my bath! The ants don't come by to nibble on me so much while I'm wet, though the fruit flies do. Sometimes you can never win, especially if you smell sweet like I do. I'm a good boy, a good boy.
Speaking of baths, the birds get all twitchy when I come out into the yard to share theirs. Still don't understand this one, even though I'm the guy who brings the water, and the worms.
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Me? Did it again.
