Dickey's Quicky Pokie-Puncture

Acupuncture has stood the test of time.

Acupuncture is over 3,000 years old.

The energetic flow of qi through the body follows a specific order:

Beginning with the Lungs, the energy continues its flow to the large intestines and then follows this order:

• Lungs —-> Large Intestine
• Spleen <— Stomach
• Heart —> Small Intestine
• Kidney <— Urinary Bladder
• Pericardium —-> San Jiao
• Liver <— Gallbladder
• Liver back to Poopy-Hole

OK, got that?

Each organ corresponds with a specific time of day when it has the most energy present. Each organ system has a channel or meridian. Many of these channels correlate to fascial tissue pathways. Using modern physiology and ancient medicine, acupuncture can reduce tension and inflammation, to eliminate the cause of pain and imbalance. (Yay, right? Thought so. Read on.)

If you are interested in using ancient knowledge and want to avoid using pharmaceuticals, acupuncture is a great option. Please look at my google business “Pokey-Merican Pokie-Puncture” to see reviews other patients have left, the ones that lived. There are more of them than of the others, so we're cool with that.

I am...

• USA trained, and licensed in parts of California and New York
• Over 10 years of experience
• Specializing in pain symptoms, sports injuries, chronic pain, TV butt
• Native English speaker
• Fluent in medical Spanish
• Can provide home visits
• Home office just a 5 minute walk from Rio Rio park the Avenida de Las Avenidas
• Vaccinated against rabies by Shaman Elizabeth

$50 per treatment, dead or alive.

Please text or email with questions, or send carrier lizard or small child with note.

dick-bollacks@qmail.com

+1 796 619 1833 9762 (Thursdays before 1 a.m. but after 2 a.m.)

Dr. Dick Dick

Calle Canton Gualaceo y Avenida de las Avenidas

Disclaimer: Disease goes back way farther than 3000 years, requires no training or advertising, and it is free. Sometimes works better than my poking.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? I just let the cat bite me whenever I need it.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Bumble Dumpps

Me an Bug made some beer. Tested it on the cat. Cat tore up the whole sofa an then ran off somewheres. Guess the beer's good to go then.

I don't know if I told you about something that has been bugging me, but it quit bugging me, so I forgot about it. Might have been important. Maybe I'll remember if you send money. Try that.

I have a suit made entirely of pressed dried rutabagas. I seldom wear it any more, not since the bugs got to be aggressive. And I'm not invited to parties the way I used to be. Not that kind of party. Maybe I could make soup out of myself.

I've decided to become a vegetable, as soon as I can get a bug-free online checking account at the Melon Bank. (We have a branch right in town now, over by the dump.)

If life is like a garden, that explains the bugs.

It's April in the southern hemisphere and the bugs ate my pants.

Now into my third day of fasting, I've just hit 200 mph and am beginning to feel clear, except for the bug splats.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Buzzing quietly, just like I always wanted.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Time For Time

Time — about the only thing that makes wine worth drinking, besides the alcohol, and the flavor, and how it attracts babes. (Except for me, so I have to stop at the alcohol part.)

I've found, to my partial annoyance, that time is like that fuzz that makes a home under your bed. So, somewhat annoying but also I always know where to find some when I come up short, and the cat likes it under there too. On occasion I join the cat down there and we whisper and giggle all night, and sometimes play cards in the dark. (I always get beat, so it's a good thing that we only play for tuna nibbles these days. Tuna and sometimes cheese. We both like cheese. Cheese is good. Yay cheese.)

A stitch past time at best saves zero to 8.5, and sometimes results in a demotion. (Avoid.)

Time is like a wombat, but not fuzzy, and never gets old and cranky.

If time is like a river, then what hidden horrors might lurk in its depths, and do they like worms? (I know I do.)

Time — about the only thing that the cat hasn't figured out yet. (Me either, so let's nap on it and see what happens.)

Time — your secret weapon when you need to sleep it off.

When have they ever stopped a war in time for a cookie break? I mean, wouldn't you? Assuming that you're sane.

And...Scientists have just discovered that time is made of cookie dough. At least the yummy, chocolate-chip-flavored kind is. Personally speaking, I don't really care about the rest of time anyway. Gimme chips.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Still ticking, but don't want a licking. Not even one.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Edgewise And Kinky

Coast Artillery Society. Meets every Saturday, rain or shine.

See the blur? Hear anything funny? 10-speed Democrats.

And I've noticed that there are now several names on the Abyss List.

Charity Groundswell, a quite ordinary non-gendered entity. (No pronouns yet, or connouns.)

A stitch in time saves a dime. Meh.

Fertilizer insurance. (Best not to be caught without any.)

Botanical engineering is what my relatives all had planned for me. Fooled them, didn't I?

Sobriety nurses: We have a near plethora.

A liberty of needs. Think about it.

 

- This week only, all entries by Alyssa Periphery, now no longer a marginal lass.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? (A personal note: I emit several private, personally-identifiable secretions.)

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Captains Shuttered

Captain Anonymous got lost on the way home from the cat clinic. Couldn't even ask for directions because no one recognized him. I know the feeling.

Captain Anonymous — frequently mistaken for someone else, also widely unknown, but never complains. That's the whole point anyway, isn't it?

Captain Average. Not much else to say there.

Captain Involuntary Bowel Movements was seen experiencing conniptions again, which don't happen quite so often any more, so it is encouraging to know that at least one person of note is attempting to carry on while showing at least some restraint.

Captain Random Craziness is, as you might guess, a lot of fun at parties.

Captain Suburban Shopping Mall, Captain Lower Burleigh County, Captain Renfrew, and Captain Volunteer Little League Coach — all on my team now. So very lucky, me. Very, very lucky, me.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Curtains — I'm still hiding behind the curtains where it's safe.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Haven't Seen Dad For A While

Haven't seen much of Dad for a while. I understand that he's been dead lately. It's always something.

Did you know that Dad died? Been a few years now, but dang if he isn't still climbing out of that hole about every Tuesday.

If Dad had been an oyster, I would have said more than 'shucks'. I mean, the amount of fungus growing on that thing was enough to turn you off dead people forever. And he had no personality either, even when he was alive.

Saw Dad running naked through the financial district again. Some sort of ad campaign targeting the dead, or maybe just naked guys. He does both.

Saw Dad running through the mall again yesterday. Who says that naked dead guys have no fun?

Saw Dad at the mall, running around naked and frightening people. Gotta hand it to him though — that's pretty good for a guy who's been dead for two years.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Avoiding all dead zones such as high school reunions.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

When Easter Was Eeeps

For Easter, this time I'm going to do it — buy a dozen chocolate bunnies and eat only their heads.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps, invited me to the annual weasel-butchering party. All the relatively important relatives will be there, as they always are, and now me too. It's been only 15 years since we met, and I'm already beginning to get invites to some of the minor family festivities. (Woot!)

My love, Echinoia Eeeps, is hosting a writer's workshop. They're starting with the letter 'A'. Once everyone grasps that concept, they'll move on. It might turn out to be a little like "Sesame Street" for adults, though with less fuzz and is sure to be less fun overall, except, of course, for the graduation party, when a select retired high school English teacher is fed to the tiger. (Everyone's favorite moment.)

My love, Echinoia Eeeps, bought me a tractor/trailer rig. Used of course. It came with a load of formerly-frozen miscellaneous chicken parts. About nine tons of them, I believe, all now rapidly composting, but it's the thought that counts, isn't it? "Hi, Jack" is how people have been greeting me lately. No such luck yet.

My love, Echinoia Eeeps, had a chicken over for lunch. Only them. This has never happened before. I suspect them of plotting something. Something involving chocolate. Involving chocolate and not flamethrowers, I hope. I've already had quite enough unpleasant surprises, thank you.

Harvey ain't here no more. After lunch yesterday he bloated up quite severe and floated off, last seen headed easterly, waving his arms.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Learning that not all that smells good is chocolate.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

When There Were God

"Why doesn't someone fix this?" said God, followed by a few moments of silence, and then "D'Oh!"

God was originally in used car sales, but couldn't handle the pressure, so look where we are now.

God — everyone's favorite deity, especially when they need help and have run out of reputable alternatives.

Whenever I do think of God, I think of massively-wasted talent.

Did you ever at any time realize that God is responsible for the death of exactly every human who has ever lived? (All-powerful, all knowing schmuck-face.)

The need to pray is proof of the non-existence of God. (Omniscience? Hey! Where then?) Also an annoying use of time that could otherwise be spent masturbating or eating chocolate donuts.

My favorite: What religious figure was born in a stable to a poor family, made a name for himself, eventually got into trouble with the authorities by making certain unfashionable, unflattering pronouncements (at least as the rich, powerful, religiously and politically connected saw things), was put to death by crucifixion, entombed, returned to life after three days, exited his tomb, ascended into heaven on a beam of light, and lived 500 years before Jesus? Mithras. Now go change your thinking.

Did anyone ever wonder why, if God is out there, omniscient, omnipotent, all the rest, why Lucifer was able to rebel, and although, as they say, was expelled from heaven, why the one now called Satan continues to exist? Perfection it's not, not even in heaven.

So, as some say, I can either become a believer and go to heaven when I die, or have my eternal soul cast into hell, where it will remain, suffering endless torment for the whole of forever. And that said, if I have a soul, and it is eternal, that pretty well means I have an infinite amount of time to overthrow God and take charge of things, so look out then. You can't avoid me.

Did you know that Jesus never heard of heaven, because heaven was invented by early Christians as a recruiting incentive around 150 to 200 years after his time? And that hell was invented even later to prod fence-sitters who still wouldn't get with the program?

And also — there is no actual, verifiable evidence that the man named Joshua ben Joseph (who you think you know as Jesus) actually existed? None. Not the merest scrap of evidence.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Believing it.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals

Why Is This Message In Spam?

CITIBANK INTERNATIONAL NEW YORK <brincrbutter@jcom.zaq.ne.jp>
Mon, May 17, 12:07 PM (19 hours ago)

to...

Why is this message in spam?
Because it is similar to messages that were identified as spam in the past, Dumbnuts.

 

CITIBANK INTERNATIONAL NEW YORK
DIRECTOR, FOREIGN OPERATIONS DEPARTMENT
ADDRESS: 87-11 Queens Boulevard, Elmhurst, NY 11373
OUR REF: CTBNYUS/BBU

 

From Desktop of Mr. Harry Benjamin
DIRECTOR OF FUNDS CLEARANCE UNIT.

Attention Fund Beneficiary,

Acting on our capacity as the international correspondent bank to the International Monetary Fund Organization, this is to officially notify you that we have received a confirmation advice from the International Monetary Funds External Auditors Committee, World Bank, United Nations Organization and the Federal Reserve Bank of America respectively via International Payment Voucher Number: IMF/FRBWDC/CTY-93WB82UN567-G requesting our bank Citibank of New York, to disburse your due wining/inheritance contract payment valued at Ten Million Three Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$10.3M) in your favor.

In consideration of the above, you have been issued with this Exclusive Reference Identification Number (IMF/FRB-NY/9USXX10751/21)Transfer Allocation No.: FRB/X44/701LN/NYC/US, Password: 339331, Pin Code: 78569, Certificate of Merit No: 104, Release Code No: 0876; Secret Code: XXTN014. Having received these vital payment numbers, you are instantly qualified to receive and confirm your payment within the next 96hrs. As necessary clearance has been granted from the International Monetary Funds External Auditors to release the funds to you with immediate effect.

In view of this directive received from the International Monetary Funds (IMF), we have on our own part verified your payment file as directed to us, and your name is next on the list of outstanding fund beneficiaries to receive their payment at this end of the year 2020. With that being done, you are required to urgently contact Citibank in New

We wish to inform you of the need for you to also re-confirm the following information before the Citibank to enable us proceed with the preliminary arrangements that will enhance the immediate release of your funds. Owing to security reasons, be clearly informed that we will not respond to any phone calls/general inquiries placed to our bank with regards to the remittance of your funds by beneficiaries as we are barred from doing so, you are therefore advised to communicate only with the accredited officer for further remittance advice.

1) Full Name;

2) Full Address;

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4) Your Age and Profession;

5) Copy of any valid form of your Identification;

6) Your Bank name;

7) Your Bank Address;

8) Account name and Number;

8) ABA/Routing Number;

10) Swift or Sort Code:

Thank you for your anticipated co-operation.

TREAT AS URGENT.

Mr. Harry Benjamin
DIRECTOR OF FUNDS CLEARANCE UNIT.
CITIBANK NEW YORK
@ 2021 Citibank. All right reserved.

 

"All right reserved." Sure. Go for it.

All right then. Poopy-poo. That what I say.

Poopy-poo. And most sincere person I am to being now.

 

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Have anything worth adding? Then try sosayseff@nullabigmail.com
Me? Not quite that stupid.

 

Etc...

so says eff: sporadic spurts of grade eff distraction
definitions: outdoor terms
fiyh: dave's little guide to ultralight backpacking stoves
boyb: dave's little guide to backpacks
snorpy bits: nibbling away at your sanity
last seen receding: missives from a certain mobile homer
noseyjoe: purposefully poking my proboscis into technicals